A lot of pressure is coming my way in the weeks to come. I have secured a job; my first, yearly salaried, full-time job which I tomorrow. As well as the added pressure of the new job, I have also moved back to the city I studied at for University. It’s so common to be nervous when you start a new job as it is a new environment, new staff, new responsibilities that I may not be used to, it’s equally nerve-racking to move out of home (again) when that has become the familiar… but this situation does feel particularly overwhelming.

Whenever I start a new job role, I always think back to my time working a winter season in Lapland. When I tell people I have worked in Finland for the winter working with Santa Claus (surrounded by snow, the Northern Lights, reindeers) they always look amazed, tell me they’re jealous and how much of an amazing time I must have had. The reality was a different story, and it was due to having the worst management team I have ever come across. Not only did I not get on with my manager, but my managers manager was even worse. As an ex-navy man he ruled over the holiday complex as if it were a navy ship, which was just one of the many problems. Not only was I working up to 70 hours a week and getting paid for 30, but me and the other staff were denied access to washing machines so we couldn’t clean our uniform, as a vegetarian I was once given a plate of fried onion to eat as a meal, and even though I was the line manager for a number of staff, was left feeling inferior on a daily basis. To name everything wrong with this company would take too long but just those examples can surely highlight how terrible the company was. Most people when they have a bad working day can go home and complain to their friends and family whereas my room was a one-minute walk in the same building as my office so there was no escape, as well as the added burden of being in another country from home. As you can imagine, I was incredibly anxious during my time there. After constantly being undermined by the management, shouted at in-front of other staff, blamed for things that weren’t my fault and never escaping because my office was so close to my room; I can’t stress how much this working environment ruined me.

Since this role I have had other jobs with different companies; both seasonal and long-term. I have had jobs where I have got on incredibly well with the management, I have had roles where I have been offered promotions, I’ve always been commended for my work ethic and I have never left a job after this role on bad terms. Sadly, the plant has been seeded and my anxiety now leads me to panic that history will repeat itself. Because I was treated like a failure in my Lapland role, I am worried this will be a reoccurrence in every job I accept. I worry that I won’t be good enough and wherever I work it will be a terrible, trapping working environment.

Certainly, there are other reasons why my anxiety is as bad as it is which is why I’m seeking help, but it has led me to question how you approach the first couple of weeks in a new job;

• Do you tell a new employer you suffer from anxiety? If I did tell them, how would I even bring that up? Is there a right time to bring this up? What if I start working and just get completely overwhelmed at one point? Will they judge me from the start and think I am using it as an excuse? What if it affects first impressions? I really struggle to be open with people I don’t know well, and I know I don’t come across the best at first because of it.
• Should I have told them about this at the interview stage? Have I missed my chance? If I told them at the interview stage would they have given me the job in the first place? Would they feel cheated if I brought it up now?
• Should you wait and see what happens? If I mention my anxiety I will feel like I’m being judged whether that is the case or not, yet if I don’t mention it and something bad happens or I have an anxiety attack will I look weird? The first couple of months will obviously be challenging but will I take every knock back I get too personally?

I have decided not to mention it unless it comes up. In addition to this, I am trying to find other ways of dealing with my new-job anxiety;

• I’m trying to remind myself that new is scary; realistically I am supposed to feel like this as it’s a new job, and the unknowing is a common fear when starting at a new work place and that everyone feels like this and therefore, I’m not behaving out of the ordinary.
• I start my counselling properly next week; the fact that I am on my way to address my problems is somewhat keeping me going. Not only do I have my friends who I am living with to get me through, but I will also have the support of the counsellor to make me a stronger, more confident person in work and outside of work.
• I’m becoming super organised; or trying to be should I say. I packed to leave home well in advance, I make to-do lists every day with even the smallest task (go to the gym, see friends for lunch, tidy room ect) added just so I have a clear plan every day and make sure I get everything I want to achieve completed. I need to get into the habit of making lists and sticking to them.
• I have emailed my new employer; I’ve emailed my manager a couple of times regarding uniform, holidays and whether there was anything I needed to do before I start. I have also researched the company online to try and learn all I can about what they offer, what they do, even their annual turnover. Knowing a couple of details about the company will hopefully make me more confident on arrival and speaking to clients as I know that this is part of my job.
• I have tried to put this in perspective; Like what is the worst that can happen? Even hell on Earth Lapland I managed to survive… Although even writing this sentence is sending me on edge a bit – easier said than done this one, but I am trying.                                                                                                                               
• Researched online; I have looked at other people’s ways of dealing with the stress of starting a new job, looked at articles on making a good first impression and general ways to act when you start a new job.
• Read more; I have found a new hobby which is reading books written by strong independent woman who just smash at life. I aspire to be like them and I always feel a little more confident after finishing one of these books.
• Tried to accept the fact I am going to make mistakes; I know I will make mistakes for the first couple of months and probably after that too. I just hate failure. It is a new role, and it is a change, and I wouldn’t have accepted this job if it was something I didn’t think would challenge me as I do want to push myself. So I have to accept that it wont be perfect from day one.

Because I haven’t started my counselling and I don’t like burdening my friends about all of my worries when they have worries of their own, these are the ways I am coping with my current situation. I start tomorrow.  Let’s be having you!