For me, I knew what I needed to do first; I needed to talk to someone professionally about my problems. Having tried dealing with the issues myself for so many years, I have come to accept it’s just not getting better, and unless I address these issues with a qualified professional who can understand my thought process, I will never fully move forward as my negative thoughts will always hold me back and continue to affect every aspect of my life. Just saying out loud to another person that you need help is distressing enough but it’s a step that needs to be taken and I know that.
I did speak to a therapist in September 2018, who recommended I started a round of High level Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) sessions, a common model used to help those suffering from anxiety, and a form of therapy provided by the NHS who state the following as what CBT can be used for on their website:
“CBT is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle.
CBT aims to help you deal with overwhelming problems in a more positive way by breaking them down into smaller parts.
You’re shown how to change these negative patterns to improve the way you feel.
Unlike some other talking treatments, CBT deals with your current problems, rather than focusing on issues from your past.
It looks for practical ways to improve your state of mind on a daily basis.”
When this was suggested to me, I was relieved that there was a form of therapy that seemed so suited to my problems. I felt reassured that there was an approach that focuses on the negative patterns of my thoughts and challenges these thoughts to work out why I think the way I do, and in turn would eventually stop me thinking so negatively about every scenario I get myself into. Armed with this knowledge I was ready to stand up to my issues, and I was, in a strange way, excited to start the process.
The therapist at the time said she would put me on the waiting list for this form of therapy and warned me it could take a while… I thought I would ring and see if maybe they had forgotten to put me on the waiting list as it has been so long and I hadn’t heard anything from anyone since September; no check-up, phone call, email, text, nothing. If they had forgotten all about me then I was going to ask them to pop my name on the list as I was ready to deal with my anxiety in September, and I was beginning to run out of momentum.
It turns out I am still on that waiting list… seventeen weeks later.
I couldn’t quite believe it, but after researching whether this waiting list issue was just a problem in my local community, I discovered this was a considerably well-known issue around the UK, and has been a problem for many years, in 2013 “more than one in ten (12%) people with mental health problems are stuck on waiting lists for over a year before receiving talking treatments and over half (54%) wait over three months” and from personal experience, this issue doesn’t seem to have improved much over the last five years. Having waiting lists as long as these has such a negative impact on those waiting for mental health services; when you pluck up the courage to finally reach out for support, the fact you know you need help, and then having to wait so long for someone to hold out their hand and pick you back up is daunting and scary.
There is blame placed on many shoulders with regard to who is at fault for these long waiting lists. The Independent state “The NHS is “failing” children and young people with mental health conditions by rejecting them for not having “severe enough” symptoms and then leaving them to reach crisis point”. I love our health system and all the people who work for it, my mum being one of those people. The hours the staff work, the people they help, the lives they change, and their caring nature should be commended higher than what it is, but to be frank, there is a point to be made here. I was never rejected in the sense that a door was slammed in my face, but I do feel like I was rejected for treatment quickly because I wasn’t threatening to end my life; I told a therapist I was really struggling. I filled in all the forms and was completely honest about how low I felt, and although at the time I hadn’t reached crisis point, it was the destination and I was well on my way. By Christmas I didn’t recognise myself. I had lost all motivation to find a job, have a career, form close relationships with anyone around me or just generally make an effort to get out of bed in the morning. The only reason I am coping right now is because my mum has PROMISED ME that things will get better for me, and she doesn’t usually lie to me so I shall give her a chance on this one.
In my opinion, the main contributing factor is the lack of funding. Without resources to help everyone know needs support, there is literally no other option but to categorise who is most likely to cause harm to themselves or others around them, because there is just not enough resources to help everyone who needs it, and therefore help has to go to those who are at crisis point which I fully do appreciate and understand, and I am in no way saying that these people do not deserve the treatment they get. But there are people like me who can see crisis point in the distance and don’t want to reach it. Those who want to stop themselves feeling completely hopeless, and it is devastating that you have to reach rock bottom to be helped back up again when you try your best to avoid it. I know this is not just me who this is affecting. So many sufferers have I’m sure had similar feelings, and it just goes to show how stretched the mental health services are.
After talking to my mother about the issue, we have decided to turn to private healthcare. I emailed a couple of therapists, I got a phone call the following day, and an appointment for the following week, so finally the road to recovery can begin. Iـˬ��o���
Smile 